Dearest Diary,
I always thought that, as I got older, things would start to feel easier again and I would be free from these chains. I spent so many years trying to dismiss all the trauma and insecurities my own family gave me... so many years trying to teach myself how to start loving my own body and stop being so ungrateful for the many privileges I have. Why am I so worried about how much I weight and how chubby I look, if all that matters is that I'm healthy and my plate is never empty? Why do I care so much about my appearence, when I'm so privileged to own a body that can do so many things that other people would give anything to have? I feel so ashamed. It hurts to look at myself and feel like I failed that little girl inside me. Why do I keep hurting myself and refusing to feed my body, when this is something I would never do to someone else? Why do I feel so disgusted of my image in the mirror, when I would never think the same about anyone with a similar appearence to me? Why am I so hard on myself, when I know that, if I had the opportunity to look back at my past and talk to the little old me, I would only want to hug her and tell her beautiful things?
Sighs. I was doing so well. But everything came back crashing at me now that my brother started working out, dieting and going to the gymn. He became this crazy, obsessed person with body weight and how many callories each food has. For fuck's sake, he even weights fruits before allowing himself to eat it! FRUITS! I should've seen it coming. It was only a matter of time before he started to look at me with a disgusted stare and commented on each little thing I chose to eat. I don't know if he realizes how hurtful his stares and judmental comments are, but I caught myself refusing to go to the kitchen if I know he's already there or lurking around. I refuse to eat in front of anyone now, because I know the harsh words will come. Isn't it funny? How I don't feel safe to feed my body in my own home?
I guess I just needed to type all of this here to realized how stupid this whole situation is. I don't want to talk about it with anyone else, but I needed a place to admit how I feel and acknowledge what I'm doing to myself. As I'm writing this, it's 4:40 pm and I still don't have the courage to leave my room and eat something for the first time today. I'm so hungry. I wish everyone would leave me alone, even if just for a few minutes.

No conclusions for today. I just had to at least blurt it all out.

Dearest Diary,
Woah, it's been SO LONG since I last updated this journal! I created this page with the idea of writing what I was feeling and expressing myself without putting too much thought into it, but I guess I really can't let go of the pressure of always doing something perfectly. I didn't know what words to use and what I wanted to share here, so I just kept putting it off and thinking "well, maybe tomorrow I'll think about it"... but tomorrow never came, so this blog was abandoned for so many months.
The good news is that, even though I wasn't being active here, I never let go of my learning journey to improve my coding skills. I've been practicing nonstop, building new things as I get new ideas and studying new techniques with side blogs. We're already 7 months into 2026 and I feel so, so happy with my progress! I still can't see myself as an expert and there's still so much to learn before I stop calling myself a beginner, but I came so far and I'm so proud of all the knowledge I've gathered. I realize how much I love doing this, how important it is to me and how satisfying it is to express my creativity and share it with the whole world. I'm also so happy to see my blog gaining more traction as the days go by and how I keep receiving so many emails from kind people complimenting my work and seeking my help with their own projects. I really, really love being here and getting to know so many new creators. Thank you so much for being part of my journey and for appreciating my blog as much as I do :)

Conclusion: life is amazing and my achievements are so important to me. I'm very proud of myself and I hope to continue learning and improving my skills. My blog is a reflection of my soul and I love being able to share this piece of me with the world.

Dearest Diary,
Growing up as a people pleaser always felt so draining. Now, being a grown adult with lots of anxiety and insecurities, it feels even more difficult to learn how to let go of this urge I feel to always be my best version, to always do whatever I can to be loved by everyone around me. The concept of a complete stranger having the wrong idea about me, and even disliking my existence? That’s not acceptable. My anxious little brain keeps telling me that I’m in the wrong, I need to do better, I need to fix things, and I need everyone to like me… But what for? Geez, I’m not even that important.
You see, I learned that I need to recognize my own insignificance in this universe and realize that no one actually cares. Because why would they? Everyone is worried about their own life and how they are being perceived by others! So who am I, and who am I trying to please? Why do I waste all my energy into caring about what no one else does? I for sure have lots of better things to dedicate all my efforts and attention to.
I had an amazing talk with one of my friends about this topic, and she was the one that helped me open my eyes and think. Truly think. She made me realize how self-centered this is and how I (unconsciously) give myself way more importance than I actually have. Sure, I’m surrounded by a loving family and amazing friends, but these are the only people that care. Actually care, you know? And I don’t even need to make an effort to please them, because they love me and know me for who I am. They’re here for this exact reason, and they would never judge me for being a human. I make mistakes, I cry, I realize my wrongdoings, I fix it, and then I learn to do better. That’s how life works, and I think I’m already doing a great job at it. So I truly need to learn how to let myself be hated. I’ll never please the entire world, and I’m bound to cross paths with people that will hate me, with reasonings or not. And that’s their right, I can’t control how someone else sees the world and how they feel. Someone dislikes me, but a lot of other people don’t! Out of dozens of people that love me, does this one stranger really matter that much?

2026 first goal: accept my insignificance and stop crying just because a random stranger blocked me on a social media or sent me a mean message. I promise you, it's never that serious.